


From the Files of St. Jude, the Patron Saint of Lost Causes

by BestTrashLife82



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Is Not Okay (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor is in Hell for a Reason (Hazbin Hotel), Gen, Heaven & Hell, Inside of Every Demon is a Lost Cause, Redemption, unless
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26924713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BestTrashLife82/pseuds/BestTrashLife82
Summary: Written as a report kept on file in Heaven. St. Jude, the Patron Saint of Lost Causes, conducts an investigation into the possibility of redemption for Alastor. Rampant speculation and redacted information are contained within.
Kudos: 14





	1. The File

**Author's Note:**

> I anticipate many formatting errors moving forward. Just testing the waters with this first incredibly short post!

_Certain facts regarding this individual soul have been redacted to remove sensitive information that could compromise the ongoing investigation into the redemptive potential of this damned sinner._

Contained within this file are details regarding the appropriate punishments and potential for redemption of the damned soul of Alastor **[REDACTED]** , now known as The Radio Demon in hell, where he currently resides. 

St. Jude has expressed curiosity regarding this particular sinner, whose earthly mother’s soul rests in heaven. It is of interest to note whether or not any redemptive potential can be found within this sinner, whose deeds during his mortal life were so heinous that they immediately placed him in hell smack dab in the middle of the fifth circle of wrath upon his demise. 

To thoroughly evaluate the condition of this sinner’s soul, it is necessary to take a closer look at the punishments hell has assigned to him, as well as the particular traits that persist within his psyche.


	2. Punishments

_The following are the punishments allotted to the demon Alastor, which have been assigned to him according to the grievous nature of each of his mortal sins, and designed specifically to cause optimal suffering within his corrupted soul._

_Punishment 1, for the Sin of Gluttony:_ Constant hunger shall be accompanied by continuous starvation and wasting of his body. This punishment results from a corrupt mortal indulgence in the flesh of his own kind.

_Punishment 2, for the Sin of Greed:_ His constant, entitled demand for entertainment shall be retained in hell, along with an inability to remain amused by anything he does. 

_Punishment 3, for the Sin of Wrath:_ He will never be able to entirely contain his anger, which shall physically render his own cursed form into ones that are even more hideous. 

_Punishment 3a, for the Sin of Wrath:_ A desire for murder, torture, and pain will remain with him in hell, where he shall be granted a great ability to harm. However, the self-regenerating nature of other demons, in addition to the fact that his actions can no longer truly cause the deaths of others, will render his own acts of violence impotent and unsatisfying and only serve to frustrate him. 

_Punishment 4, for the Sin of Pride:_ His once-golden voice will forever be cursed to issue forth as from a radio with poor reception. He shall be rendered unable to speak in his native dialect, but instead use the affected accent demanded of him by his mortal employers. 

_Punishment 4a, for the Sin of Pride:_ His teeth, which in life were a dazzling white, will be yellow and jagged and horrible to behold.

_Punishment 4b, for the Sin of Pride:_ His face and head will wear certain aspects of a deer, the same animal that he hunted excessively during his mortal life and displayed as vainglorious trophies. These physical aspects will not serve to make him look grand or intimidating, but ridiculous, inspiring laughter and mockery in anyone who sees him. 

_Punishment 4c, for the Sin of Pride:_ His clothing shall never be fully mended, but forever bear a slight ragged appearance, which will bother him every time he sees it.


	3. Affiliations

Complicating the status of the soul of this sinner is his entanglement with various spirits known as Loa, who have Alastor firmly within their grasp, an influence which he himself encourages regularly. Having dedicated his soul and service to **[REDACTED]** while he was alive, they maintain their hold on him in the afterlife, and have expressed a desire to “keep him right where we’ve got him.” The Loa, while not evil, certainly include spirits, such as the ones named above, who are fed and entertained by Alastor’s particular brand of behavior and use of their powers. Extricating him from their influence would require his own active participation as well as great diplomatic delicacy and careful negotiation.


	4. Investigation 1: Findings

_The following is a summary of the findings of St. Jude, after completion of a standard initial investigation into the warped psyche and damned soul of Alastor. These are St. Jude’s own observations and are recorded by them personally._

At the onset of my investigation, I noticed that the soul of this sinner displays a profound emptiness, a cold and echoing darkness. Upon examining further into this darkness, the glowing face of a radio manifests. On the face of this radio there is a dial that switches between three channels and three channels only. The dial switches channels of its own accord, though it is able to be physically moved by another. These channels are the contents of Alastor’s personality and the three main modes of existence for this individual, both in his mortal life and afterlife. The channels are **Charm** , **Rage** , and **Self-Pity** , respectively. Attempts on my behalf to shift the dial to other channels, or to place it in between one channel and another, have proven unsuccessful. The radio also displays places where other channels should be, but the dial does not move to reach them. 

Since this sinner’s soul is limited to these three aspects, I decided to take an even closer look within each one. Although none of the three traits seem to contain redemptive materials, it is possible that deep within one of these there may be some narrow, forgotten vein of good, or potential for good, to be found. If there is any trace, I will uncover it. After all, I have an eternity to do so, and have traversed even bleaker souls than this in my experience. 

First, there is **Charm** , a quality Alastor possesses in excess. This charm manifests itself in the form of eloquent speech, musical talent, and sheer overwhelming personal charisma. It is impossible to meet him on Earth or in hell and not notice his smile. The smile, unwavering as it may be, is unfortunately a hollow, pasted-on display, not bolstered by any genuine emotion. It is a smile in shape only. His gifts in the area of performance are, more often than not, utilized to gain collateral in the making of “deals” with other demons, arrangements made to bind others to his service in exchange for some vague favor from him. It seems a proclivity to tempt and seduce is irrevocably woven into his inherent charms. 

Then, I peered into Alastor’s **Rage** , to find its source, measure its depths, and discover its limits. The cause of the rage which drove Alastor to a series of violent, cannibalistic murders can be traced back to **[REDACTED]** with his own **[REDACTED]** due to the circumstances in which he lived on Earth. However, it seems he understands that at one point he simply started to kill others, not from any sense of righting wrongs or satisfying vengeance, but because he simply wanted to. It seems likely that his association and allegiance with **[REDACTED]** exacerbated the worst of his appetites and tendencies. Yet, it is noteworthy that all of Alastor’s victims are too located in hell, and none arrived there as a result of affiliation with him during their lives. 

Finally, **Self-Pity**. Alastor’s heart is not entirely devoid of the capacity to feel vulnerable emotions. He does, in fact, harbor a potent sorrow for his own lot in life, and in death. He is aware that his status as an “overlord” in hell is a sham, a false title meant to appeal to the pride of demons and make them feel more content with their own status as fallen. Alastor knows that all of his own powers and talents beyond sheer showmanship are borrowed from spirits far more powerful than he. At any moment, he is robbing Peter to pay Paul in order to make his “deals,” which are false and empty. Any power he lends to others increases his own debt to the Loa he serves. When Alastor reflects on this continued cycle of emptiness and futility, he is seized with sadness and regret. The regret, when examined, proves to originate from envy. He is sad that his powers are not as limitless and pure as the other denizens of hell perceive it to be, and sad that every display of his powers makes him even more of an empty, hollow being. I consider him to be one of hell’s most terrifying scarecrows, inspiring enough fear to send most other demons scattering, but with as much agency and autonomy as the aforementioned straw-stuffed dummy. Due to his continued use of borrowed powers beyond his mortal life, he occupies the odd, paradoxical position of being simultaneously one of the most spiritually bankrupt yet powerful beings harbored in any of the realms which house dead souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concept of the "3 Channels" is not my own! It comes from Chump Lady's blog. She does some very interesting discussion of the traits of narcissists.  
> [The Mindfuck Only Has Three Channels](https://www.chumplady.com/2017/09/mindfuck-three-channels/#:~:text=See%3F-,Three%20channels.,how%20you%20control%20a%20chump)


End file.
